And then

I'm pretty sure this is my chance to finally, publicly, lose my virginity. I mean the deed has already been done but nobody knows, not even Kristen. She's like the best friend in the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High, egging me on adjustignmy clothes to show more skin and giving me tips on how to give blowjobs.  She is beyond floored that I haven't done it yet. She's even kissed me on the mouth a few times to be sure I'm doing it right and not freaking guys out or anything. I'm 15 and despite the assumptions made because of my huge breasts and the way I try to act all slutty, lounging around not giving a damn if my legs are crossed or if my pants are ripped just under my ass cheeks, I've only had sex with one person so far and I can't even tell anyone about it because it's a big gross secret. It's the worst. When Kristen introduced me to her older ( I think he's like 23) dark haired skinny new boyfriend a couple of months ago I just about ripped my clothes off right there in her livingroom. I think my mouth actually may have hung open and I might have for real drooled. Clearly we were meant to have sex, immediately, like today. And we did. It was totally gross and awful and I can't stop hating myself even still.  We drove around in his black '84 mustang GT drinking out of a flask and breathing in thick clouds of pot smoke and the entire time I stared at him from the backseat, waiting. It was almost 2 am before finally he said "alright ladies, I need my beauty sleep, time to go home". He took the long way around and headed towards Kristin's house first, casually explaining that he'd drop me off on the way out of the neighborhood. She's too wasted to smell the rat as he walks her to the door and kisses her goodnight. The minute I slid into the front seat as we turned the corner off her street kicking gravel up behind us, his hand was squeezing my crotch and he was leaning over with his toungue hanging out of the corner of his mouth trying to kiss me and drive at the same time.