Notes on Kindergarten from a Mama bear

I try hard to be, hard, tough, unwavering and serious. In fact I have read a few of these sorts of blogs already this week and told myself I was wayyyy too cool to write one myself (fail). All this because really, I am scared to be uselessly incompetent at all of those things and I feel like its my job to make an effort to uphold some sort of good front.  This is my style in life and particularly my style of parenting. I make rules, set boundaries, push for maximum effort and expect that things be done properly and in a timely manner, but really I'm a big ball of mush at the core and all these things are put in place to keep me chugging along with a sense of purpose and certainty that all of my efforts will pay off in the form of bright successful polite little children. So far its working out great. Tomorrow is a whole new ball game though. Tomorrow I send my five year old son off with a healthy lunch packed, some quarters to buy chocolate milk and walk away as he enters a new place with new people I've never met to have new experiences that I have zero control over. Up until now I have made all the choices. His circle is quite pleasantly small, his needs are simple and always met. I have been his teacher and provided him with the basic core values that are meaningful to our little family. Tomorrow he will ask questions and get answers from people with all different background and beliefs. Tomorrow he will be a part of something that I am not, tomorrow I will have nothing to do all day. These are all good things, things I am of course, in my open minded and rational level head, quite pleased with, but...but...the Mama bear part, the the piece of me that sees him as all mine will have a tough time walking away tomorrow.

love.

its more important that I ever imagined. really. it's huge.
so many ways.
fear, joy, despair, loneliness, smiling, laughing.
connected at the core.
a jumbled ball of string whose end is tucked away deep where it might never be seen.
just unravel it a bit then wrap it back up haphazardly.
or maybe you can lay it out straight and run your fingertip along, pressing hard to leave a scar.
sway it loosely, as if teasing a cat, then yank it away at the last second.
bound.
tie me up in a neat little bow...and
love me.

and again.

Publish Post

I read somewhere that dreams are what happen while your brain is busy filing memory into neat little compartments...or something like that. And that things get, mixed up, confused, out of sequence and while the rest of your brain is busy  dreams float on the surface flashing daily dramas and mundane nicety and sometimes unspoken fear. Reoccurring dreams are some sort of glitch, the filing drawer left open or the memo never read. It's always the same, a place with so many rooms that all feel strange and yet, familiar . Opening doors and knowing what I think will be behind them and sometimes its easy and I'm right, but sometimes I'm wrong and I feel embarrassed or ugly. My dreams so often have to do with rooms, big houses, mazes and confusion with a spatter of triumph and comfort  here and there. I suppose that's how it goes.

Almost as good as Granny's Chicken and Dumplings

My husbands Grandmother is from the south, Tennessee to be exact. She cooks like she is from the south and shes an outspoken, hard workin, take no shit kinda lady. The first Christmas eve I spent with BJ and his family , about 15 years ago, I was treated to the most wonderful meal and a house full of about 75 people waiting on Granny's famous chicken and dumplings. She worked all week making chocolate pies , ham and green beans, biscuits, and of course the famous chicken n dumplings which turned out to be made with flour tortillas, what a great idea! About 3 years ago we were back home in Indiana visiting when Granny called down to my in-laws house to inform us she was not feeling up to making Christmas eve dinner and that she was calling off the whole thing. Before I had a chance to offer up some help My father in-law, her eldest child, had jumped in his truck with BJ and headed over to make sure she was okay. By the time my mother-in law and I showed up BJ, his dad, and his two uncles were in the kitchen cooking up all the fixins for a Christmas eve feast with Granny shouting instructions from her favorite reclining chair. I was perhaps the sweetest thing I've ever seen and I always relate this meal with that sweet moment. My recipe is a little different, my own version that will never quite capture the magic of Granny's but I think it's pretty darned good.
Today was a typical northwest kinda day, rain, more rain, gray skies and rain.
Just the perfect kinda weather for some sweet memories and some yummy comfort food.



Chicken and (fake)Dumplings

5 frozen boneless skinless chicken tenderloins (or 3 whole breasts)
3 cans low sodium chicken broth
1 tablespoon smart balance (or real butter)
10 baby carrots (or 3/4 cup diced carrots)
1 teaspoon low sodium chicken soup base (or 1 bullion cube)
3 large burrito size flour tortillas cut into 2 inch strips
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon flour
1/2 teaspoon corstarch
black pepper
onion powder

warm up olive oil(I used garlic flavored olive oil from trader joes..yum!)in a pan and add frozen chicken (I buy bag of frozen chicken tenderloins and use them for EVERYTHING super easy and a really good price) and cook for about 5 minutes on low heat flipping once until mostly thawed and then add enough water to cover chicken  and put a lid on and let it chicken boil until cooked all the way through with no pink in the middle. In a large pot stir together chicken broth, soup base, butter, carrots a dash of onion powder and as much black pepper as you prefer(I like A LOT) oh wait, let me back up and tell you how I dealt with the carrots. I have one of those slap chop devices, well its not actually a slapchop but its  the same idea and it works GREAT for dicing up carrots perfectly. So I just put them in about 5 at a time and pounded away to perfection! Ok so back to the rest..  Once the chicken is cooked dice it up on a cutting board and put it in with the broth and cook on medium heat for about 15 minutes or until the carrots start softening up. Add flour and cornstarch and stir in with a whisk to thicken the broth. stack up about 3 or 4 large flour tortillas and cut them into 1 or 2 inch strips ( I like to use a pizza cutter) drop tortilla strips into the pot and cook for about another 3-5 minutes or until the tortilla strips are soft and  yummy and soaking up all the wonderful goodness of the broth.  I'm thinking I might try this as tortilla soup sometime and add black beans green chillies and a can of diced tomatoes...YUM!

Secret Banana Bread ...shhhh don't tell

Banana Bread. I love it, like really really love it. As a kid my grandma used to make it and I hated it. Seemed like such a grown up treat, not super sweet like a cookie or a cupcake,but now as an adult there's nothing better than a cup of coffee and a slice, moist and rich, warmed up with a little pat of butter. It took me a long time to get this figured out but once I did it was magical. This recipe is based off of a Betty Crocker paper back from 1984. I tweaked a few things(I'm good at that) and added a few things and Viola...my secret recipe was born.

Secret Banana Bread

1 3/4 cups flour (I sometimes use half white and half wheat)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch of salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
3 bananas mashed
3/4 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons applesauce
2 tablespoons strong black coffee
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon zest
1/2 cup chopped pecans(or not)

preheat oven to 350
Grease bread pan all the way up the sides(I use a glass baking dish so I can see how brown the sides are)
You need two large bowls. In one bowl combine flour, baking powder, baking soda,  cinnamon and salt. Stir or sift together and make a well in the center.
In the other bowl combine bananas, sugar, applesauce, olive oil, coffee, vanilla lemon zest and egg.
Add the wet mixture to the dry mixture and add nut at this step if you want them, and fold together until just combined, do not over stir, batter should be good and lumpy.
Bake for 45 minutes and check if it's done by using the old tooth pick in the middle trick. If it comes out wet cook for another 8 minutes or so being careful not to let the outside burn.
The last step is the hardest but trust me it's key to your success. Remove golden brown tasty smelling loaf of secret magical banana bread from the oven and let it cool for about 15 minute....then...THEN DON'T EAT IT YET. I know this is asking a lot but for real....get out some plastic wrap and carefully empty still warm bread onto the plastic wrap and seal it up reaaaal good and let it sit for 12 hours(overnight) before eating. This seals the deal and once you've tried it you'll think it was worth the wait. Go ahead, try this recipe and let me know how it worked for YOU!

Stock Pile

I'm sorta awful with coupons. I really wish I could get organized and  get super serious. I might just do that some day but for now I'll just jump on a sale when I see it. The Fred Myer sale ad this week has  deodorant and toothpaste on sale for $1.79 and in store coupons for $1.00 off. so .79 cents plus tax. I headed over and grabbed enough deodorant for me to use for the next year(you'd be suprised how quick it goes) and some toothpaste for BJ and I. Along the way as I browsed around I picked up some other great deals. Greek yogurt marked down from $1.29 to $1.00 and a coupon for a dollar off three, Powerade for .50 cents some dinner necessities and a pair of $65 new balance shoes for 24$. I had to suffer through 8 separate transactions to get the coupons to work properly but it was worth the wait. My total spent on the entire haul here was only $49.60. I know the super extreme coupon types out there could have done better but I'm feeling pretty dang good about my scores today!

Crock Pot Carnitas

I got a 2 lb pork roast on sale for $2.50 and needed a plan...Sara to the rescue! She sent me this link crockpot365.blogspot.com/2010/02/slow-cooker-carnitas-recipe.html and I modified the recipe by adding half a jar of little hot peppers and half the juice from the jar. I only had bottled lemon juice and orange juice and added a tiny bit of paprika to the cumin and salt rub. I topped it all off with some fresh pico de gallo and corn and black bean salsa I had made a big batch of last week and froze.

 Corn and Black Bean Salsa

1 can sweet corn drained
1 can black beans drained and rinsed
1/2 of a small red onion diced
Chopped fresh cilantro
Lemon juice
A couple shakes of chili powder
Salt to taste
Teeny tiny pinch of white sugar

This makes a lot so I usually separate it into a few ziploc baggies and freeze. This can be served on tacos like I did tonight, in burritos or quesadilla or just served as a side dish with a little avocado to garnish. My kiddos even like this! Well, sort of. One kid picks out the beans and the other pick out the corn but between the two of them it all gets eaten..ha!

like a car crash

 I am usually good at looking away. today I failed. This not one of my usual cheerful posts but this is my blog and I'll write whatever I want damn it.

Confession- I searched the name of somebody who betrayed me to the core and a page for her birthday party showed up. I looked at it and despite knowing better couldn't help but think the list of people attending is  a whole bunch of people who hate me...I am well aware of how ugly and stupid this is..I know I know...
This is NOT a cry for help but rather just a real, honest moment of slipping into the pitfalls of betrayal.
Life is good. I have no reason to do this but still, every once in awhile I feel compelled to pop in and look. It's so easy. I shouldn't, but I do. It's reality, It's me being imperfect and vulnerable.

Lemon Pepper Chicken makes us happy, a.k.a. 'fake fancy food'

This is a staple here at the Scott house. In regular rotation it ends up being made 2 sometimes 3 times a month. Its fairly simple to make, super tasty, and mostly nutritionally sound. We've had a whirlwind week so far and it's only Wednesday. BJ is back on a submarine duty and working long hard days. I'm picking up odd jobs here and there and trying to keep up with my fitness goals, keep the house in order, and things running smoothly in general. We needed a real deal sit down family dinner complete with vegetable eating races so,  Voila`...

Lemon Pepper Chicken with Asparagus and Rice

1 lb of chicken (use about 8-10 pieces of chicken from frozen bags of chicken tenderloins, they are easy as pie, no thawing required)
1/2 of a small red onion thinly sliced
Garlic ( I use a jar of chopped garlic and add about 1/2 a teaspoon or so but you could use fresh or even sprinkle on some powdered garlic)
Olive Oil
Lemon juice
Lemon pepper seasoning(I really like McCormick the best, the one with the red lid)
Oregano (I used ground oregano)

2 cups White(or brown) Rice

1 bunch of fresh asparagus
1 tablespoon butter
1 table spoon soy sauce

Prepare  about 2 cups of white(or brown) rice and start it cooking while you work on the chicken and asparagus

Coat the bottom of a large frying pan with olive oil and add about the same amount of lemon juice to the pan.I never really measure anything so I'm totally not sure how much..I guess it depends on the size of your pan. You can't screw this up , trust me.
Sprinkle a generous amount of lemon pepper seasoning, at least a table spoon, over the lemon juice and olive oil. Now add a couple taps of oregano around the pan..about 1/2 a teaspoon or so. Turn the heat on and warn up the pan for a few seconds and then add onions and frozen chicken. Let chicken cook turning a few times until the excess juices start to cook off. Now add garlic and cook on medium heat until onions begin to caramelize and chicken is lightly browned on both sides. If its still soupy looking keep cooking it...

The Asparagus is easy...
First of all get good fresh not too skinny not to fat stalks.
Rinse them well under cool water and then chop off about 1/2 an inch from the bottom of the stalks to be sure you are getting rid of any woody hard fibrous pars and leaving only the yummy green tender stuff.
Be sure the tops are fresh and not slimy, nobody want to eat slimy veggies right?
Prepare a pan frying pan with a fitted lid that is large enough to accommodate the full length of the stalks.
Add about 1 tablespoon of butter (we use smart balance,..yum!)and let in melt a little then add asparagus. Drizzle some soy sauce over top, cover tightly and cook on low heat for about 10 minutes or until you've reached desired tenderness(I like mine a with a little firmness left in em)

You can dish it up all fancy like me or better yet just dump the rice in a casserole dish dump the pan of chicken on top and dump in the asparagus and bring it to the dinner table and serve it up!

Tip 1-I used a measuring cup rinsed in cold water as a rice mold. Looks fancy huh. It's not.

Tip 2-we lucked out and don't have picky eaters...per say...but we do have to get tricky with the veggies sometimes. Veggie races seem to do the trick. We all grab one piece and see who can munch it down the quickest. A little unsafe maybe but it works for us. Lilly and Logan each ate 3 whole stalks of asparagus at dinner tonight. Not to shabby eh?

Tip 3-WINE(with everything)---nuff said.

Oh and YES. I make the dinner, plate it up and then take a bazillion pictures before I allow my family to eat. They are used to it...just wait till I start really bloggin about food and taking pics of the whole process..ha!

Freebird.

clickmetoseebetter

no words...just a pretty picture.
this seems profound for some reason...no?

Crowd Pleaser

When I say 'crowd' I'm referring to a 4 yr/o, 5yr/o , two 6 yr/olds and 1 super helpful sweet husband. I had the pleasure of hanging with my friend Sara's two kiddos while she jetted off to California for a few days. Luckily they are all super awesome, mostly get along, and no picky eaters. On the last morning they were at my house I treated everyone to  banana parfaits for breakfast. It TOTALLY looks like dessert...in fact you could totally serve it as desert but it is a perfectly acceptable Sunday morning treat..right?..and super duper easy to whip up for a gaggle of hungry kiddos(and one hungry husband)!

Crowd Pleaser Parfait

Low fat Vanilla Yogurt
Granola(I just haaaaapened to have granola with banana chips in it)
Banana sliced super duper thin(for some reason the thinner the better, the kids told me so)
A Teeeeny tiny drizzle of chocolate syrup (or, you know...a lot)
And a quick spritz of low fat whipped cream

oh oh oh... and throw it all together in some sort of non breakfast cereal bowl looking thing.

not a genius idea for sure but the crowd went wild.

Crab Ravioli with Tomato Cream Sauce

*I never really measure anything so I’m sort of guessing here but it’s easy and you can’t really screw it up. This recipe made A LOT of food, plenty for the 4 of us and leftovers for the neighbors

1 package wonton wrappers (use whatever size or shape you like)
1 container low fat ricotta
½ cup shredded parmesan
Large Handful of fresh baby spinach leaves finely chopped(we always keep a bag of this and throw it in everything from pasta to breakfast smoothies)
1 tablespoon garlic(more or less to suit your taste, I used a jar of crushed garlic but fresh would be better probably)
½ of a small onion finely diced
Small handful baby carrots finely diced or shredded (I used my slap chop, you could eliminate this all together but I just like to cram as many veggies into dinner as possible soo..)
1 cup crab meat (I used imitation crab since I wasn’t sure if the kids would eat it and didn’t want to spring for the more expensive stuff, but they loved it and next time I'm going the real deal)
2 tablespoons real butter
Salt, pepper ,Italian seasoning(I have a little grinder and it works great...go get yourself one its good for pizza crust and meatballs and basically everything)
Sauce-
1 can tomato paste (Italian seasoned or garlic and basil if you can find them)
¼ cup sour cream (or fresh cream works too, I just happened to have sour cream on hand)
1 tablespoon butter
1 splash white wine (or not..totally up to you)
First chop and dice all the veggies. In a small pan add 1 table spoon butter, onions, carrots, and garlic and cook until onions are transparent but not brown.
While that is cooking mix together cheeses spinach crab and spices. Add cooked veggie mix to the cheese mixture and stir until evenly distributed.
Assemble Raviolis by laying out about 4 wonton wrappers at a time and add about a tablespoon of mix in each wrapper and wet the edges and press together tightly leaving no holes or air pockets. I used a paint brush to ‘paint’ water on the edges of the wonton wrappers. I laid them all out on a piece of parchment paper . Add them in small batches to a pot of salted boiling water and cook for just about 2 minutes or so.
For the sauce melt butter in a small pan, add cream and tomato sauce and stir until all ingredients are combined. Add a splash of white wine to thin it out a little and serve over ravioli. Yum!
you could also add fresh tomatoes to the sauce

Soooo...do me a favor. If you actually make this post a comment here and let me know how it turned out and if you added or adjusted anything that made it better.

Score of the week

I've been toying with the idea of extending my totally annoying tendency to tell everyone the price of everything I've ever bought here..and so...deal of the week has been born. I figure it can be anything, a rad grocery coupon, cool thrift store find..whatever. Found this gem today at my favorite place St Vincent DePaul thrift store here on the west side. B.J. and I had to skip our movie watching the other night due to a missing remote. Heres my solution, a pretty box to store them in and it cost...drum roll please....$1.95! WOOHOOO

p.s. I am well aware that Wednesday is quite early in the week to definitively lay the smack down on the best deal of the whole week. I suppose next time, and from here on out I'll probably try to do this on a Monday recapping the previous week, but I was so excited about my find and my genius idea (so what if a bazillion other bloggers beat me to the punch on this one) I just couldn't wait..ha!

Valentine

In the tall grass as the day grew late,
I remember the taste in my mouth, metallic and sweet.
I wanted you to kiss me, but you didn't.
You just wrapped your arms around me and pressed your face into my neck and let warm breaths graze my spine.
There were other fearless bold moves but this was the boldest...

It was a good hiding place...and they never found us.

roller fail

so yeah, broken arm...elbow and wrist , cast allows for a perpetual thumbs  up despite my frustration with everything...being left handed is a curse.
with very limited use of my dominant hand I can still manage most things on my own.
such as:
-taking a shower(with the help of an impossibly uncomfortable 'cast bag' over my broken wing that has a water tight seal that squeezes my already swollen arm like a tourniquet and would be a perfect accessory for intravenous drug users.
-getting dressed, totally can do, only requires a ridiculous one handed  hopping sideways wiggle to get my pants up over my chubby hips...real cute.
-earrings in ears, check....necklace?...no go.
-brushing my teeth, got it....shaving my legs..err...not so much....
-deodorant under the left arm check, right arm....ummmm yeah?
seriously..another 5 weeks of this crap?
by the end of this I'm gonna be a furry smelly angry mess....

grub

diced baked sweet potato sprinkled with olive oil, chili powder, paprika, garlic and a little bit of brown sugar. if you put in the microwave for 5 minutes then the oven for ten you've got tasty goodness in under 20 minutes total.

I'm not a food snob, I'm not even really a great cook(not being self deprecating here just really down to earth honest)but...BUT... I love food, I love to eat, I love to put together flavors and presentations that make my family and friends happy. (Some of whom have been nudging me, encouraging me, to start a 'food blog'.) I went browsing through some well known food blogs and found posts about things like sprout bread and almond butter, arugula, and tamarind curry. I am far less sophisticated than any of this but I sorta do alright. My family is always full and happy and I usually only have ingredients available at the lame ass commissary(cause we are poor-ish) So here it is...me blogging about food. I'm not sure I have much to say about food but, I'll give it a try. Perhaps this is a more suitable place for my constant facebook updates about what I'm having for dinner. So, if you've already read it there too bad, I'm putting it here too. Top picture is a family favorite, pastina (teeeeeny tiny pasta) made with chicken soup base corn, carrots and chopped ham. This is our comfort food, Daddy is out of town food, sore throat food, need a little extra attention food. Basically I throw in whatever we have. When the kiddos were tiny I always added a can of sweet peas and carrots and the mushy soft texture was perfect(that is until Logan decided he didn't like peas and started picking them out and throwing them indiscriminately on the floor or at the walls). This morning for breakfast I made some, over cooked and mushy with a little butter, honey and a splash of milk. So..I did it... now it's your turn, you tell me..what kind of comfort food do you make?

p.s. if you look closely at the top picture of  pastina  you'll see a fishing lure adorning the bowl. This is the infamous set of Bass plates my Dad sent me for Christmas years ago. When I first opened the box I thought maybe he had packed something else very heavy and solid inside the Bass Pro Shops dinner wear set box. Nope. I am the proud owner of a full set of leaping bass , fishing lure adorned plates and bowls(I donated the coffee cups and saucers promptly, knowing I'd never use them, but those sturdy, ample plates and bowls are still in regular rotation. I still have no idea what inspired my sweet Father to send such a gift but , Dad, they are still here and I have grown to love them. Thanks.

Diamond in the rough

I've told the story a thousand times(for real, I talk a lot) and I found myself telling it again last night and felt like sharing it here, so if you've heard it before too bad, I'm telling it again, with pictures to match....B.J. and I got together in the fall of 1996. I was working at the grocery store and he used to come in and 'stalk' me...ok well actually he would come in and stand at the front of the store pretending to attend to some sort of grocery store type business and STARE at me the whole time till I would throw my hands up and bug my eyes out like "what?!! what do you WANT kid?" You see he is three years younger than me and was just 17 when this all started. Soon after the staring incidents he broke up with his high school chick and got a job as a bagger so he could stand at the end of my isle and continue to shoot his laser eyes through me at my checkstand. So we started hanging out and by Christmas we were stupid in love. I bought him a Fred Perry shirt and he presented me with a tiny little blue velvet box. I was totally unimpressed. The ring , white gold and a tiny sliver of a diamond made my stomach turn. A million thoughts rushed to my head and out my mouth. I was sad and disappointed(I know I know..shut up). He had spent 3 months worth of grocery store paychecks on this stupid, materialistic, uninspired, run of the mill, token of love. Is that what he thought of me, that I was just a girl who wants diamonds and roses on valentines day to keep me happy?! I was horrified and handed the ring back with a sharp warning that he could keep his store bought love. I thought we were done. I thought that moment would crush his pride and patience. I was wrong. He looked at me and said "fine, no problem, I'll keep the ring, and I'm keeping you too" with unwavering confidence he put down the ring and kissed me. Now a little over 14 years later, I get different kinds of gifts, practical things, things that are useful and meaningful to me in a way that only he  and I could really appreciate. One of my favorite things are the socks he brought back from Japan...silly I know,  but hey...it's me. As you can see I eventually accepted the ring ad have it stowed away..I am always thinking I should do something with it, have it made into something I'll wear...any suggestions?

Bridge that gap

I've said it before..but this time it's different(I swear!..ha!). I get so caught up daily life, driving here and there picking up kids, dropping off kids, work at the dang mall, the world around me whizzing by in gray blur on most days and I forget that I LIVE here, this is my home(for now). I slip right past it and roll right over it and hardly ever feel the pavement beneath my feet. I want to feel out those paths and press my heels into them. It occurred to me while driving over the Warren Ave. bridge last week that I'd never walked across it...and so, the very next day....I did. I walked today too, on streets I've only seen slivers of. And the next chance I get I'm gonna do it again...Bremerton is not so big. Once upon a time (1995) I was homeless and living under a train bridge by the Rainbow food store in uptown Minneapolis. For months and months I did nothing BUT walk, every day all day long. I walked from uptown to downtown and across the bridge to St. Paul. I walked north to the train yards and to the west bank. I walked until my shoes had holes and I had to shoplift a roll of duct tape to keep them on my feet. I was thin and unhealthy from eating out of trashcans and spending my days on edge and lonely. But I was free, free to move about as I wished, to get up and walk wherever I wanted to go...and I did. My last night in that city I walked all the way around downtown circling the baseball stadium and back up to the shiny glass buildings and then around again to the Greyhound station where I boarded a bus, sat down, and never really got back up again. Since then I've been riding along never really letting my feet hit the ground. I've become heavy and slow, tired and weary....I have no reason to be weary...I have piles of plush pillows under my head at night and with a push of a button heat fills my entire house. I have shoes for all occasions, and none of them have tape on them. My plan for this year is to appreciate all of my hard earned resources and to stop feeling so tired. I will walk on the streets my car glides over and experience things from a new perspective. The air is cold tonight and I plan on standing on the front porch and taking a few deep breaths and filling my lungs with it before I settle into my cozy pajamas and slippers and curl up on the couch in front of the fire and flip on a movie and eat a cookie.

Barf

Dealing with barf sucks...... buuuuut it's part of being a parent. Dealing with a sick barfing kid has thrown a wrench in my plans for looking for a new job today(there's always tomorrow)and instead I'm here, typing, still in my pajamas, laundry piling up, Logan going stir crazy spinning circles in the family room bugging the crap out of sick Lilly, bed is not yet made and I'm pretty sure I just heard the cat hack some sort of hairball/barf combo upstairs....I guess I'd better go DO SOMETHING! good thing I made pink blueberry raspberry muffins last night....I can still salvage the afternoon and make something good happen today! and so I shall...

Da Mall(say it like Da Bears)

it's been 6 months back at the mall now and I've had good days and bad but as the wheels start turning through the new year I am feeling driven...driven to drive my car through the glass doors of the mall and smash things up like a video game racking up points for taking out giant potted plants and cell phone kiosks...ha..I kid...I kid. But seriously. I am a grownup. I should be doing something else....and so...I SHALL!...mark my words...I'm getting my ass in gear and finding something else...soon.

Tough Chick

Today Lilly powered through a two hour Karate practice and is still teeming with adrenalin as I sit here, exhausted from just watching, typing away about my hardcore little chick. Lilly was born this way, ready to hit it hard and do her very best at everything. She is doing great in school, has a bustling social life and is kicking ass every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. Should we pile on more??? Sensei approached me today to inquire about weather or not Lilly will be competing in the upcoming Karate tournament. I hesitated and looked at Lilly for the answer and Sensei quickly snapped at me saying "if YOU want her to go then she goes, she is ready and she will not fail!" After watching Lilly's dedication and the lip biting seriousness when she is throwing a punch or blocking a roundhouse kick I suppose the answer is YES. Lilly is going to tournament!

Lump

Yesterday was the first day back at school in the new year. My sweet Logan woke up with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. He ate his breakfast like a champ and got himself dressed with no complaints of socks that "don't work" or snaps that wont snap. He put on his shoes and jacket grabbed his lunch and stood on our front porch while I scraped the sparkling frost off the Volkswagen windows. As he stepped forward towards the warm waiting car he announced, "It's next year and I am going to Lilly's school for kindergarten now" with absolute certainty. It was about 5 minutes past time to leave and I hurriedly shooed him into the backseat bluntly explaining that he wont be starting kindergarten until the fall. It wasn't until after we had dropped off his big sister and were driving back home that I realized how sad he really was. In a tiny shaky voice he said "I am just going to preschool still...I know, no kindergarten yet Mama" It hit me like a ton of bricks, that crackle of disappointment and embarrassment for being wrong written all over his sagging shoulders and stiff jaw. He shuffled inside and curled up on the couch and covered himself with a blanket all the way up to his chin and took a few heavy breaths. It was a moment of intense disappointment for both of us. I had failed to anticipate his literal interpretation of my reassurance that he'd be "going to school NEXT year". You see, this is the second time in the past couple of months we've dealt with this. Back in November on his 5th birthday he was sure that since he was now a 5 year old that he'd be allowed to start kindergarten and we haphazardly told him "next year Son" ....ugh. Logan now has a calender in his room and a better idea of just how long it will be before September. These are my last few months of having him around most of the time and I hope we can enjoy it..... once I get past the lump in my throat that rises up when I realize how big he really is.

New Year, new blog,

So I thought I'd start this up again. Once upon a time I kept a 'family blog' but life has changed and I have changed and things are more awesome than ever so here I am, writing about silly things, important things, meaningful things and whatever seems most awesome. I took a few pictures today and thought I'd share....enjoy.

p.s. I'll write poetry if I feel like it damn it......just sayin.