I try hard to be, hard, tough, unwavering and serious. In fact I have read a few of these sorts of blogs already this week and told myself I was wayyyy too cool to write one myself (fail). All this because really, I am scared to be uselessly incompetent at all of those things and I feel like its my job to make an effort to uphold some sort of good front. This is my style in life and particularly my style of parenting. I make rules, set boundaries, push for maximum effort and expect that things be done properly and in a timely manner, but really I'm a big ball of mush at the core and all these things are put in place to keep me chugging along with a sense of purpose and certainty that all of my efforts will pay off in the form of bright successful polite little children. So far its working out great. Tomorrow is a whole new ball game though. Tomorrow I send my five year old son off with a healthy lunch packed, some quarters to buy chocolate milk and walk away as he enters a new place with new people I've never met to have new experiences that I have zero control over. Up until now I have made all the choices. His circle is quite pleasantly small, his needs are simple and always met. I have been his teacher and provided him with the basic core values that are meaningful to our little family. Tomorrow he will ask questions and get answers from people with all different background and beliefs. Tomorrow he will be a part of something that I am not, tomorrow I will have nothing to do all day. These are all good things, things I am of course, in my open minded and rational level head, quite pleased with, but...but...the Mama bear part, the the piece of me that sees him as all mine will have a tough time walking away tomorrow.
