Lump

Yesterday was the first day back at school in the new year. My sweet Logan woke up with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. He ate his breakfast like a champ and got himself dressed with no complaints of socks that "don't work" or snaps that wont snap. He put on his shoes and jacket grabbed his lunch and stood on our front porch while I scraped the sparkling frost off the Volkswagen windows. As he stepped forward towards the warm waiting car he announced, "It's next year and I am going to Lilly's school for kindergarten now" with absolute certainty. It was about 5 minutes past time to leave and I hurriedly shooed him into the backseat bluntly explaining that he wont be starting kindergarten until the fall. It wasn't until after we had dropped off his big sister and were driving back home that I realized how sad he really was. In a tiny shaky voice he said "I am just going to preschool still...I know, no kindergarten yet Mama" It hit me like a ton of bricks, that crackle of disappointment and embarrassment for being wrong written all over his sagging shoulders and stiff jaw. He shuffled inside and curled up on the couch and covered himself with a blanket all the way up to his chin and took a few heavy breaths. It was a moment of intense disappointment for both of us. I had failed to anticipate his literal interpretation of my reassurance that he'd be "going to school NEXT year". You see, this is the second time in the past couple of months we've dealt with this. Back in November on his 5th birthday he was sure that since he was now a 5 year old that he'd be allowed to start kindergarten and we haphazardly told him "next year Son" ....ugh. Logan now has a calender in his room and a better idea of just how long it will be before September. These are my last few months of having him around most of the time and I hope we can enjoy it..... once I get past the lump in my throat that rises up when I realize how big he really is.