Notes on Kindergarten from a Mama bear

I try hard to be, hard, tough, unwavering and serious. In fact I have read a few of these sorts of blogs already this week and told myself I was wayyyy too cool to write one myself (fail). All this because really, I am scared to be uselessly incompetent at all of those things and I feel like its my job to make an effort to uphold some sort of good front.  This is my style in life and particularly my style of parenting. I make rules, set boundaries, push for maximum effort and expect that things be done properly and in a timely manner, but really I'm a big ball of mush at the core and all these things are put in place to keep me chugging along with a sense of purpose and certainty that all of my efforts will pay off in the form of bright successful polite little children. So far its working out great. Tomorrow is a whole new ball game though. Tomorrow I send my five year old son off with a healthy lunch packed, some quarters to buy chocolate milk and walk away as he enters a new place with new people I've never met to have new experiences that I have zero control over. Up until now I have made all the choices. His circle is quite pleasantly small, his needs are simple and always met. I have been his teacher and provided him with the basic core values that are meaningful to our little family. Tomorrow he will ask questions and get answers from people with all different background and beliefs. Tomorrow he will be a part of something that I am not, tomorrow I will have nothing to do all day. These are all good things, things I am of course, in my open minded and rational level head, quite pleased with, but...but...the Mama bear part, the the piece of me that sees him as all mine will have a tough time walking away tomorrow.

love.

its more important that I ever imagined. really. it's huge.
so many ways.
fear, joy, despair, loneliness, smiling, laughing.
connected at the core.
a jumbled ball of string whose end is tucked away deep where it might never be seen.
just unravel it a bit then wrap it back up haphazardly.
or maybe you can lay it out straight and run your fingertip along, pressing hard to leave a scar.
sway it loosely, as if teasing a cat, then yank it away at the last second.
bound.
tie me up in a neat little bow...and
love me.

and again.

Publish Post

I read somewhere that dreams are what happen while your brain is busy filing memory into neat little compartments...or something like that. And that things get, mixed up, confused, out of sequence and while the rest of your brain is busy  dreams float on the surface flashing daily dramas and mundane nicety and sometimes unspoken fear. Reoccurring dreams are some sort of glitch, the filing drawer left open or the memo never read. It's always the same, a place with so many rooms that all feel strange and yet, familiar . Opening doors and knowing what I think will be behind them and sometimes its easy and I'm right, but sometimes I'm wrong and I feel embarrassed or ugly. My dreams so often have to do with rooms, big houses, mazes and confusion with a spatter of triumph and comfort  here and there. I suppose that's how it goes.

Almost as good as Granny's Chicken and Dumplings

My husbands Grandmother is from the south, Tennessee to be exact. She cooks like she is from the south and shes an outspoken, hard workin, take no shit kinda lady. The first Christmas eve I spent with BJ and his family , about 15 years ago, I was treated to the most wonderful meal and a house full of about 75 people waiting on Granny's famous chicken and dumplings. She worked all week making chocolate pies , ham and green beans, biscuits, and of course the famous chicken n dumplings which turned out to be made with flour tortillas, what a great idea! About 3 years ago we were back home in Indiana visiting when Granny called down to my in-laws house to inform us she was not feeling up to making Christmas eve dinner and that she was calling off the whole thing. Before I had a chance to offer up some help My father in-law, her eldest child, had jumped in his truck with BJ and headed over to make sure she was okay. By the time my mother-in law and I showed up BJ, his dad, and his two uncles were in the kitchen cooking up all the fixins for a Christmas eve feast with Granny shouting instructions from her favorite reclining chair. I was perhaps the sweetest thing I've ever seen and I always relate this meal with that sweet moment. My recipe is a little different, my own version that will never quite capture the magic of Granny's but I think it's pretty darned good.
Today was a typical northwest kinda day, rain, more rain, gray skies and rain.
Just the perfect kinda weather for some sweet memories and some yummy comfort food.



Chicken and (fake)Dumplings

5 frozen boneless skinless chicken tenderloins (or 3 whole breasts)
3 cans low sodium chicken broth
1 tablespoon smart balance (or real butter)
10 baby carrots (or 3/4 cup diced carrots)
1 teaspoon low sodium chicken soup base (or 1 bullion cube)
3 large burrito size flour tortillas cut into 2 inch strips
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon flour
1/2 teaspoon corstarch
black pepper
onion powder

warm up olive oil(I used garlic flavored olive oil from trader joes..yum!)in a pan and add frozen chicken (I buy bag of frozen chicken tenderloins and use them for EVERYTHING super easy and a really good price) and cook for about 5 minutes on low heat flipping once until mostly thawed and then add enough water to cover chicken  and put a lid on and let it chicken boil until cooked all the way through with no pink in the middle. In a large pot stir together chicken broth, soup base, butter, carrots a dash of onion powder and as much black pepper as you prefer(I like A LOT) oh wait, let me back up and tell you how I dealt with the carrots. I have one of those slap chop devices, well its not actually a slapchop but its  the same idea and it works GREAT for dicing up carrots perfectly. So I just put them in about 5 at a time and pounded away to perfection! Ok so back to the rest..  Once the chicken is cooked dice it up on a cutting board and put it in with the broth and cook on medium heat for about 15 minutes or until the carrots start softening up. Add flour and cornstarch and stir in with a whisk to thicken the broth. stack up about 3 or 4 large flour tortillas and cut them into 1 or 2 inch strips ( I like to use a pizza cutter) drop tortilla strips into the pot and cook for about another 3-5 minutes or until the tortilla strips are soft and  yummy and soaking up all the wonderful goodness of the broth.  I'm thinking I might try this as tortilla soup sometime and add black beans green chillies and a can of diced tomatoes...YUM!

Secret Banana Bread ...shhhh don't tell

Banana Bread. I love it, like really really love it. As a kid my grandma used to make it and I hated it. Seemed like such a grown up treat, not super sweet like a cookie or a cupcake,but now as an adult there's nothing better than a cup of coffee and a slice, moist and rich, warmed up with a little pat of butter. It took me a long time to get this figured out but once I did it was magical. This recipe is based off of a Betty Crocker paper back from 1984. I tweaked a few things(I'm good at that) and added a few things and Viola...my secret recipe was born.

Secret Banana Bread

1 3/4 cups flour (I sometimes use half white and half wheat)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch of salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
3 bananas mashed
3/4 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons applesauce
2 tablespoons strong black coffee
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon zest
1/2 cup chopped pecans(or not)

preheat oven to 350
Grease bread pan all the way up the sides(I use a glass baking dish so I can see how brown the sides are)
You need two large bowls. In one bowl combine flour, baking powder, baking soda,  cinnamon and salt. Stir or sift together and make a well in the center.
In the other bowl combine bananas, sugar, applesauce, olive oil, coffee, vanilla lemon zest and egg.
Add the wet mixture to the dry mixture and add nut at this step if you want them, and fold together until just combined, do not over stir, batter should be good and lumpy.
Bake for 45 minutes and check if it's done by using the old tooth pick in the middle trick. If it comes out wet cook for another 8 minutes or so being careful not to let the outside burn.
The last step is the hardest but trust me it's key to your success. Remove golden brown tasty smelling loaf of secret magical banana bread from the oven and let it cool for about 15 minute....then...THEN DON'T EAT IT YET. I know this is asking a lot but for real....get out some plastic wrap and carefully empty still warm bread onto the plastic wrap and seal it up reaaaal good and let it sit for 12 hours(overnight) before eating. This seals the deal and once you've tried it you'll think it was worth the wait. Go ahead, try this recipe and let me know how it worked for YOU!

Stock Pile

I'm sorta awful with coupons. I really wish I could get organized and  get super serious. I might just do that some day but for now I'll just jump on a sale when I see it. The Fred Myer sale ad this week has  deodorant and toothpaste on sale for $1.79 and in store coupons for $1.00 off. so .79 cents plus tax. I headed over and grabbed enough deodorant for me to use for the next year(you'd be suprised how quick it goes) and some toothpaste for BJ and I. Along the way as I browsed around I picked up some other great deals. Greek yogurt marked down from $1.29 to $1.00 and a coupon for a dollar off three, Powerade for .50 cents some dinner necessities and a pair of $65 new balance shoes for 24$. I had to suffer through 8 separate transactions to get the coupons to work properly but it was worth the wait. My total spent on the entire haul here was only $49.60. I know the super extreme coupon types out there could have done better but I'm feeling pretty dang good about my scores today!

Crock Pot Carnitas

I got a 2 lb pork roast on sale for $2.50 and needed a plan...Sara to the rescue! She sent me this link crockpot365.blogspot.com/2010/02/slow-cooker-carnitas-recipe.html and I modified the recipe by adding half a jar of little hot peppers and half the juice from the jar. I only had bottled lemon juice and orange juice and added a tiny bit of paprika to the cumin and salt rub. I topped it all off with some fresh pico de gallo and corn and black bean salsa I had made a big batch of last week and froze.

 Corn and Black Bean Salsa

1 can sweet corn drained
1 can black beans drained and rinsed
1/2 of a small red onion diced
Chopped fresh cilantro
Lemon juice
A couple shakes of chili powder
Salt to taste
Teeny tiny pinch of white sugar

This makes a lot so I usually separate it into a few ziploc baggies and freeze. This can be served on tacos like I did tonight, in burritos or quesadilla or just served as a side dish with a little avocado to garnish. My kiddos even like this! Well, sort of. One kid picks out the beans and the other pick out the corn but between the two of them it all gets eaten..ha!